Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
