I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
