Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize