You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
