You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
