Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I still have a little drunk in my system
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize