College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
