was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
