Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
