It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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