I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
