ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
porn star boner night. come get it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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