Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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