the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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