I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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