it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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