I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
