But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
