Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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