Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
