living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize