She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
