I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Watching her eat just hurts me
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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