Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
