That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
