you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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