you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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