This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
