can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
