This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
