I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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