Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
