I think I died a long time ago.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
