I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
