just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
