Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
