remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize