giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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