He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
