Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
