What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
