I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
