i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
