You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
