I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
