I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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