i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
