I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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