just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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