Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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