He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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