the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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