one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
