You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
my poor anus
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize