she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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