Kiss
Puke
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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