im drinking this country out of the recession.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
