dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
