dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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