i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We're too hungover to prance.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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