if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
