u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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