At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
