good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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