I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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