We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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