and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
