God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
