my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
