the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I AM VODKA MAN
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
