be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
