I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
