At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
