Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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