there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
