K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
