i jhust puked up my retainher.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
