I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
