She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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