I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
