Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
