My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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