I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
