: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
