so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
