Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
