The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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