I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize