Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
do herpes really smell.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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