I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
