Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
