hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
