Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
