I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
