So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
