My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Four minutes until I can fart!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
