the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
