I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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