You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
